Today was a weird one.

I had dreams about someone I have not seen in ages and i think i want to see beauty in nature again as the countryside came up as well as eyes and eye treatments to see..then again maybe that is in reference to said person.

I am a bit confused by it all.

Anyways I got up early and went to uni to cast my nose, including the inside. (pics on facebook) It was very interesting to do this and to trust the sustances i am working with not to kill me and trust myself with breathing in strange ways. Needless to say i relaxed and got on with it.

I worked on my resin piece for my own work as well as that for the art auction. Absolutely enjoyable.

After lunch however i had a tutorial, tutoring a first year art student. I gave it my all but said student didnt want to tell me much about her work as its personal. Now this is fine for personal work but on an art course, talking about your work and becoming excited and feeling what you are doing are very important, i tried to explain this and then felt condescending, as this is the first tutorial and the woman in question is old enough to be my mother...she has a daughter older than me. So that kinda threw me and the rest of the day i have had a short fuse, still confusing myself over my dream and thinking too much.

So this tutorial led me to doing one of the silliest things i have done since getting modrock stuck to my head and being very sore ripping it off...

I cast my face, entire face and did this by breathing through a tiy straw. It was interesting, i was relaxed but halfway i had to think about whether to breathe as if i did, the stuff would be breathed in and i'd have to try not to choke. So the woman helping me thought i had stopped breathing and we had to start again...by this point i had breathed in the stuff and blah. So the second attempt worked but the surface area had lumps so my skin looks like i have suffered a horrible desiese and died. Very very much like a death mask.

This experience was rather strange, i mean the panic at not being able to breathe was fine..i think this is because of the lack of pain involved and the acceptance of wanting to make this piece. The willpower overtook and that in itself is extremely interesting.

Since then i've come home..still getting bits of my casting material out of my nose! (i mean wtf?) and sitting here contemplating what i have to do in the next few weeks...


Elf ears.
Motorbike practise and test.
Art Auction.
Catalogue.
Fine Art Practise.
Book Holiday.
Pay deposit on house for July.

Fun fun....

Current Location: bed
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: A Perfect Circle-The Noose

I am still unwell so i shall bother you all with this:

Finish the sentences. Some may be uncomfortable, but you'll manage.

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss: was a loving one.
2. I am listening to: the tv.
3. I talk: too much and too little..i think my timing is all off :/
4. I love: those i care about, and my art work.
5. My best friend: is a difficult choice.
6. My first real kiss: unfortunately is not forgotten.
7. Love is: comfy and cuddly.
8. Marriage is: a big plan i see no point in.
9. Somewhere, someone is thinking: where are you?
10. I'll always: find the good in people.
11. The last time I really cried was because: i threw up. :(
12. My cell phone: is ignored.
13. When I wake up in the morning: I either go out of go back to bed.
14. Before I go to bed: I brush my teeth.
15. Right now I am thinking about: where i ought to be.
16. Babies are: beautiful if they are my little sister..if they are random i am not bothered.
17. I get on Myspace: because thats where the body modificaors live...
18. Today I: havent done anything yet.
19. Tomorrow I will be: casting my ear, talking to my tutor and then talking to Samppa.
20. I really want to be: better.
21. Someone that will most likely repost this is: Sophie but i stole this off her so no lol.

Current Location: bed
Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: n/a

Hi AMY,
yes i remember you,and yes i will be in the shop on the 21st of feb,i do my ears a little differently,in that i put permanant stitches in the cartidge ,so the shape stays much better.
I can do them quickly after having a look at them,i just need to see if there is enough cartlidge to do the proceedure,so we can make an appointment then and there,it will have to be after hours as it will take quite a while to do the proceedure,but we can run through everything when we chat. As for price i generally charge £400 for the new method ,but i will do it for £300- £350 for you as you are an old client,depending on the amount of work we have to do
speak soon
Quentin
------------

so now i've had replies from both Quentin and Samppa. I am thinking of siding with Quentin and less into the unknown since he has done most of my previous piercings. I'll be in the company of friends at least while it all happens.

I cannot believe its all beginning. Excited about it.

Meanwhile I want to get my arts commissions and stuff up and running. I am now thinking of accepting commissions with open artistic licensing. I am going to get business cards and my website revamped as well as starting to network a lot more.

This means i'll be trying to sell work if i can and am going to have to build up a lot more faith in myself and my own work!...

So yeah its all go :D

xxxx

Current Location: home
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: n/a

Referencing and bibliography for dissertation.
the rest of my dissertation...
book venue for esoterica new video.
website
sort out business cards or similar
apply for jobs
invoke meeting with catalogue group for degree show
pack up stuff from mums house as she is moving.
motorbike?!

this is mainly a reminder to myself...

xxxx


If anyone would like to see my dissertation, unfinnished..let me know. if anyone cares please read through it and crit me!!!

xxxx

Current Location: home
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: n/a

skull: To see a skull in your dream, symbolizes danger, evil and death. Alternatively, it represents the intellect or secrets of the mind. You are keeping some things hidden.

Sister: To see your sister in your dream, symbolizes some aspect of your relationship with her, whether it one of sibling rivalry, caring, protectiveness, etc. Your sister may draw attention to your family role and sense of belonging. It may also serve to remind you that someone in your waking life has characteristics similar to your sister. Alternatively, your sister may be a metaphor and actually refer to a nun. In this case, she may represent spiritual issues.

Whale: To see a whale in your dream, represents your intuition and awareness. You are in tuned to your sense of spirituality. Alternatively, it indicates a relationship or business project that is too enormous to handle. You may be feeling overwhelmed. The dream may also be a pun on "wailing" and a desire to cry out about something.

Water: To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. To dream that water is boiling, suggests that you are expressing some emotional turmoil. It also may mean that feelings from your unconscious are surfacing and ready to be acknowledged. You need to let out some steam.

work: To dream that you are at your former or past work, suggests that there is an old lesson that you need to learn and apply to your current situation.

ok so all these things were in my dream last night. i was in the water and there was a whale and it did throw me about a little bitplayfully to show me it wasnt dangerous. i went through the water...scared of shadows and sharks.

At another point me and my sister were in my old work-lush buying stuff and they gave me porridge soap and i was excited..it was in the shape however of a skull. kinda odd.

i'll look up sharks and shadows....i'm not really any more enlightened..perhaps more confused ffs :( anyways its the tone of the dream that was important and that i do not know either. i felt like it was trying to tell me something. anyone else find it weird everything in my dream began with a w or s?

jesus :(

shadows: To see a shadowy figure in your dream, represents aspects of this figure which you have not acknowledged or incorporated into your own personality. Alternatively, it symbolizes the young, the helpless or the under-developed

Shark: To see a shark in your dream, indicates feelings of anger, hostility, and fierceness. You may be an emotional threat to yourself or to others. You may be going through a difficult, painful, or unpleasant emotional period. Alternatively, it represents a person whom you see as greedy and unscrupulous. This person goes after what what he or she wants with no regards to the well-being and sensitivity of others. The shark may also be an aspect of your own personality which exhibit these qualities.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: confused

OK so today was my dissertation tutorial, i have much to work on. I also had a huge discussion with Ben, my tutor and head of the course about the grading system and how things are going. I just can't see the improvement grades wise, me in myself i feel like i've come far but hey..apparently not.

Anyways apart from that i helped Heidi with a commission for an artist, Marcia Farquhar. It was 20 little cakes with icing on top made from marble and resin. the icing was in the shape of little clitoris's. I had to file them all down and cut myself.

|So its been an odd sort of day and i just need to keep the point of everything and not lose it. Getting near the end now.

Me and Chaz aren't together at the moment. With everything else its just...not fair on him me being so confused with whats happening in my life right now. He is still living with me so its not like i'll miss him terribly and i do love him its just there is so much else that i don't know left from right, let alone up from down!

i think all of this is actually a positive thing, i mean, its not especially happy but its challanging and we'll see how it comes out. Well i hopes!!! :)

xxxx

Current Location: bed
Current Mood: tired

Today was good, me and Chaz went for tea and such this morning with my mum and Andy, then headed into Worthing town to see Adam. His new place is huge and he seems all happy, and yeah :D was nice to catch up and his cat is CUTE!!!!

After this me and Chaz went on a little shopping trip in town and we bouht a book each, i also got 2 candles and a pillow..just because :D Then went into HMV and bumped into Lee..been a long time since i saw him, his gf gave me a look of horror bnut he seemed good and yeah. Then Dani was in work, didnt go into see him but how weird seeing my exs....and Chaz seeing them. oh well, its all past and such a long time ago now!!

so yeah back home to watch a dvd and check out what else to buy in the new year!!!

Amy.
xxxx

Current Location: my bed, mums
Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: n/a

I had a lovely christmas day with Chaz and Jen. We woke up at Mums, had lunch which was good by our standards, actually very good :D Chaz did amazing gravy and yorkshire puddings mmmmmmmm :)

We popped into my dads and Abbie opened her presents, it was so very cute! We watched the usual tv stuff then headed back to mums. She promptly got drunk and we all sat down together, her boyfriend Andy joining us!!!

I got a first edition book from Chaz, The Other Queen by Phillippa Gregory. As well as scrubs, another book based on Henry 8th, a huge Tinkerbell mug and a cinderella flask.

From Jen i got penguin socks, penguin purse, penguin soap, happy feet and march of the penguins, little cuddly percy penguin and a non-penguin green eyeliner. :)

From my dads gf i got 2 pairs of Calvin Klein underwear, a lindt reindeer and a penguin tea-light holder.

Mum got me The Dark Knight so i can finally see it, Spiderwick Chronicles, The other Boleyn Girl BBC version, toblerone pieces, socks, pyjama trousers, and some other funny stocking stuff. :D

i just wanted to write these few presents down so i dont forget :) I am going to have another few nice relaxing days where i do some uni work now.

Hope everyone else had a good christmas!

Amy.
xxxx

Current Location: mums house, my bed
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: chaz just turned it off...

Family weekend is just about over. I have had a christmas dinner with my mums side on Friday. This went very well although my grandparents are seeming increasingly older, i wish i could spend more time with them than i do now-a-days. I am now thinking of maybe moving a little closer to home once univercity is finished, i need to work out what type of job to set myself in for the next year or so also and what Chaz wants as he must be happy with whatever decision is made between us also.

Saturday i went shopping with my mum and Andy, her boyfriend. We visited my sister in work and i spent wayyy too much money! I couldnt believe how busy the shops were considering none as supposed to be doing very well...these little places seem like havens for shoppers at this time of year. Saturday evening i saw Ash and a few of my other friends. He gave me *make-your-own-opoly* game board..cannot wait to play with this once i am home as i get to design it myself. But i was too tred to stay out too late and Sunday had to do a day of my dads family. Here there were a lot of us, me and my sister dressed as elves and my dads gf and her kids dressed up. Abbie was a cute little angel, it was so sweet. :D My nan and grandad had sorted so much food since my cousins, 4 of them plus one gf and their son as well as my aunt and uncle came down from Surrey. My dad showed up late and it was all a bit weird considering we do not do so many family gatherings these days. Still it wasnt too bad and there were more presents here...really i am being rather spoilt this year :/

I came home and me and Jen watched a film together, i spoke to Chaz for ages and am now ready for the orthodontist today and the next few dyas of work. This afternoon i am seeing Abbie and Karen then back to London. Work tomorrow and Christmas eve, after which i come straight back here with Chaz to celebrate Chritmas...


cor its all suddenly gone so fast!!!

xxxx

Current Location: mums
Current Mood: content

so i'm in bed...hurt my back and Chaz is looking after me since he got home from work. Hes so beautiful and i'm sorry to go on but i dont think i appreciate him enouh so i am taking a minute here to really think about all hes does for me and how much he cares.

This weekend just gone i went with Chaz to Cardiff and after going to see the amazing Liz at work in her shop *am actually going to eat the stuff i bought in a minute...the chocolate however is gone and was YUM!* anyways after this we went to Chaz's grandads and had a little drink with him and his wife for an hour or so. that was nice, i was scared at first but it wasnt too scary at all. We bought two toads for Francesca, Chaz's sister because the cat ate one of her previous ones and then went back to his to start the Christmas celebrations.

PRESENTS OMG SO MANY. I actually could not believe it. Since i have been with Chaz for over a year and his mum likes me they did a sack for me as well as everyone else *eyes pop out of head* It was Me, Chaz, His mum, sister and their boyfriends plus his mums boyfriends kids. so it was like full on!! Chaz got a huge box with a tiny present in it and i got some hats and perfume as well as wayyyy too much chocolate *suprisingly working through it at an alarming rate* :P Christmas dinner was really good although i am not good at eating turkey..and pudding was amazing *must get this desert again..was chocolate fudge cake but actually a good one that melts right when heated!!!

blah so after all this i had a bath and we settled down and i tried my presents on *the wearable ones*!! then before long it was bedtime and i went upstairs and promptly fell asleep..chaz following hours later since he read.

The next day Chaz had his hair all cut off and he looks so different but still cute :D then we went into town to see Liz again and to buy me a coat from H & M (it is amazing) and by this point it was time to say farewell and see Andi for a drink in Nero then be on our way home.

Dont know how actual christmas will top this..will be hard but i am going home on Friday to have dinner out at a carvery and then go to a family party on Sunday as well as seeing my mate Ash on Saturday plus shopping of course:/ so much to do. until then i have work so wish me luck. Hope my back gets better by then!!!

xxxx

Current Location: bed
Current Mood: uncomfortable
Current Music: n/a